Who I'm Becoming Read online

  WHO I’M BECOMING

  MONTANA DELRAY’S STORY

  Book #4 of the FireNine Series

  BY

  SHANORA WILLIAMS

  © Shanora Williams, 2013.

  This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights. You are not permitted to give or sell this book to anyone else. Any trademarks, product names, service marks, or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. All rights are reserved.

  The names, events, and character depictions in this novel are not based on anyone or anything else, fictional or non-fictional.

  Editing by Yours Truly, The Editor

  Cover Art and Design by Najla Qamber of Najla Qamber Designs

  FireNine Series Reading Order

  *Who He Is (Book #1)

  Who We Are (Book #2)

  Who I Am (Book #3)

  Who I’m Becoming (Book #4)

  ***

  Other books by Shanora:

  *Hard to Resist (#1)

  Hard to Hold On (Hard to Resist Sequel) (#2)

  Hard to Forget (Hard to Resist Prequel) (0.5)

  * BEWARE – An Erotic Romantic Suspense Novel

  Table of Contents

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty One

  Twenty Two

  Twenty Three

  Epilogue

  Thank You

  MONTANA

  One

  There were five simple rules I followed while on tour:

  One) Get sloppy drunk.

  Two) Get high as fuck.

  Three) Mess around with/fuck bitches

  Four) Pass the fuck out

  Five) Repeat the following night.

  It was a ritual of mine for years. It’s what I loved. I loved being completely out of it— so out of it that everything blurred together, unable to focus because focusing meant facing reality. You couldn’t think because sometimes thinking too much fucked you over in the end. You just… live. And living for myself was what I did best.

  Everyone, including my band brothers, always asked if I’d ever get over it—if I’d ever get tired of it. I always gave them the same response: “Fuck. No.”

  See, it didn’t bore me like it did others. I didn’t get tired of it, and I damn sure didn’t get tired of the women. In fact, I think I became a little too obsessed with it. There wasn’t a week that went by where I didn’t party at least three times. To me, tours were meant for partying. It was a reward for me… for the band. We worked hard for that shit, and we were finally getting what we deserved. Why not celebrate the success every chance we got?

  It was always like that with the band before they all settled down. I didn’t blame them. Hell, to each their own. Every single one of us was different, especially me. I’d never believed in settling down with just one person. I guess that was an issue of mine. It wasn’t a big deal. I classified myself as the party-hard, wild, freaky, and definitely kinky guy who thought living it up was more important than calming down.

  But it was a brand new week. And something was telling me, this time around, that ritual of mine was going to get a little mixed up. Normally, I didn’t let people interfere with my plans. I did what I wanted, where I wanted, whenever I wanted. But… here was the thing…

  We were going to France for the tour.

  We were going where the cheeses were stinky and the pastries were fresh in every bakery.

  Yeah, I knew some people would kill to go to France, but I’d been dreading the trip ever since it was brought to my attention. Why?

  Because that’s where she was.

  Her.

  The only girl I could never wrap around my finger, physically or mentally. She worked with the band once, and it was the worst shit ever. Having her around, flaunting, smiling, and teasing the hell out of me. It pissed me off to no end. When she left, I should’ve been relieved, but I wasn’t. I was slightly disappointed in myself for not bagging her when I had the chance. For not working hard enough to get her in my bed. To that very day, I regretted the hell out of it.

  But I considered the concert in France a second chance to reel her in. I considered it an opportunity to really challenge myself. It was my chance to finally get this girl off my mind and out of my system.

  I was tired of randomly thinking about her.

  I wanted to get over her.

  And that was going to happen soon.

  One good stroke of this cock inside her was all I needed. Just one. Sad to say, but I figured I’d probably come on the spot as soon as I sank my way inside her. It was pathetic to even admit, but that’s how bad I wanted her—so bad I would’ve busted my load in seconds for her.

  Shit… what man wouldn’t?

  The sun had just set in Paris. The jet landed with a little jerking and shaking, but as soon as it stopped, I hopped to my feet and took a quick glance around, watching the boys snooze for a second. Even Ben was snoring.

  It was never not like me to annoy people, so after I grabbed my bag, I pulled out my favorite whistle—the one everybody hated—and blew as hard as possible. Gage and Roy sprang up rapidly, eyes wide and stretched. Deed clutched the arms of his seat like an idiot, asking shit like, “What the? Where the fuck—?”

  “Glad you’re all awake,” I laughed as I hurried for the exit. None of the boys caught me in time to punch me or take my handy dandy whistle away, but Ben ended up grabbing my arm as he stood.

  “You are so childish,” he grumbled.

  I shrugged. “I’ve been told I need to grow up. Doesn’t look like it’s happening anytime soon, though.”

  He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Alright boys. Get your bags so we can check in at the hotel.”

  They groaned.

  “I’m glad we landed on a private runway,” Ben said with a sigh. “No groupies. No annoyances. Just… peace.”

  “For now,” Deed muttered. “As soon as we get to whatever hotel we’re staying at it’ll be hell just to check in.”

  Gage and Roy nodded in agreement. I rolled my eyes at all of their statements just as the exit door opened. “You guys are fucking idiots,” I said.

  They all glanced up, narrowing their brows. “You’re the idiot,” Deed snapped back.

  “No, no, no… see, only idiots get upset about the groupies and girls being there. Getting touched and felt on… loved on… screamed at—I mean, shit… doesn’t it make you wonder what they’ll scream like in the sack?”

  Gage and Roy laughed. “Is that how you choose who you sleep with now?” Gage questioned.

  “If that’s what it takes.” I smirked, taking the rest of the steps down and landing on the pavement. Inhaling deeply, I shut my eyes and then exhaled. I loved this. Being in new places. Doing new things. Breathing in new air. Taking on new, foreign women. It was like a new leaf had turned.

  Roy stepped off the jet after me, pushing his hair aside. “That girl is working backstage, right?” he asked.

  I scowled in his direction.

  He smirked, tucking a thumb beneath the strap of his backpack.

  “You asked that shit on purpose, dipshit.”

  “Hey,” he lifted his hands in the air innocently, fighting his smile
, “…I was just asking a question. I mean, if we’re being honest, her denying you was pretty funny to watch.”

  I flipped him off, pulling a joint out of my pocket. He laughed and turned to walk towards the SUV. A hand clapped my shoulder, and I glanced to my right, meeting Gage’s smiling eyes. I knew what that smile meant, so I handed him the joint as I released a thick puff of smoke.

  “Don’t let him get in your head,” he said after taking a hard pull.

  “It’s too fucking late for that shit.”

  “Look, I know you’ll cross paths with her when the shows start.” I glanced at him as he handed the joint back. “Just… don’t try so hard with her, you know? Take it easy. I think she’s one of the ones you can’t try too hard with.”

  “I wasn’t trying too hard,” I argued.

  He gave me a stale face. “Dude, you used pick-up lines. I mean, who falls for that shit anymore?” He laughed, taking a step back. “You made her feel uncomfortable. Could see it all over her face. Just… take it easy this time. Actually, I’ll tell you what’ll work.”

  “What?” I asked way too eagerly.

  “Ignore her.”

  My brows narrowed. “Ignore her? What, are you trying to make me miss out on her completely?”

  “No, listen,” he said as I tossed the joint and we started towards the truck. “She’ll wonder why you’re ignoring her. She’ll think that you’re mad at her, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that girls hate when a guy that was once interested suddenly starts ignoring and avoiding them. They get all in their emotions, and then they come running to you. I’m telling you,” he said as I climbed into the truck, “…she’ll be quick to speak to you as soon as she gets the chance.”

  “I don’t believe that shit, man,” I muttered. “Plus, you know me. I can’t keep a straight face. I’ll laugh when she finally realizes I’m ignoring her.”

  “This is some dick-move advice coming from me, but when you first see her, stare at her… like you’ve wanted to see her for months and are finally getting the chance. After y’all have made eye contact for a few seconds, walk off. And whenever she pops up, act like the little stare down never even happened. Trust me, she’ll wonder what’s wrong, and she’ll stop you just to ask. Mixed signals work, man. I’m telling you.”

  Roy and Deed chuckled, shaking their heads. “This is some funny shit,” Roy said.

  “Dude, what the hell is funny?” I asked, craning my neck to look at him.

  “Just the fact that you want her attention so badly. I’ve just never seen this coming from you. Don’t mind me… I’m fascinated. That’s all.” He and Deed looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

  I did my best to ignore them by rolling the window down and staring out. They continued laughing, but I couldn’t overlook what Gage said. He was kind of right… but to me, that would seem like I was putting in way too much effort. And too much effort was one thing I never gave to a girl.

  Fuck.

  Already she was making me think about her. Already she was stuck in my mind, and I hadn’t even seen her face yet.

  This was ridiculous.

  ***

  Ben decided we should all check out the venue we’d be performing at first. This part of getting prepared was getting old, but Roy and Gage liked to see what kind of stage they were working with. I, on the other hand, liked to go with the flow.

  After getting past all the security guards and stops, we’d finally arrived behind the coliseum. Ben hopped out of the truck first and introduced himself to an older man with shimmery grey hair. After their introduction, we were all told to follow Ben through the back door.

  The backstage area wasn’t much to look at. It was just like all the other places only the words on the walls and the signs were in French. A few people that were setting up passed by, some with their noses stuck in their phones or heavy objects in their hands that they had to get from one place to another. It was pretty busy, but it was the night before our first show, and as usual, everything had to be perfect.

  FireNine had gone from an amateur band to an international sensation with millions of records sold worldwide. This was no longer a climb to the top for us. We were already there, and I was damn proud of it.

  Ben asked one of the backstage members where the dressing room was. We followed after the short man, rounding two corners before a brown door appeared. “It’s right in there,” he said, his accent thick and heavy.

  Ben thanked him and opened the door immediately.

  The room was typical. Mirrors, stools, a seating area… the norm. Everything seemed to be where it was supposed to except for one thing—well, one person.

  She was sitting in the recliner with her face buried in her hands. Her crimson hair swam around her shoulders as she shook and sniffled. If I wasn’t mistaken, she was… crying.

  “Oh, shit,” I breathed. I couldn’t see her from here, but I hated when girls cried. It was the saddest shit to see. The worst. It kind of freaked me out.

  “Honey?” Ben called, taking a cautious step forward.

  The girl jerked her head up quickly, sprang from the recliner, and turned towards us. Mascara leaked down her cheeks as she stared at each of us with wide eyes. Her eyes landed on me last, and if they weren’t already completely wide before, they expanded even more as she looked me over.

  I blinked quickly, disbelieving the sight before me.

  This was… her. Only she’d dyed her hair red, wore tighter clothes, and heavier makeup. Although she was crying, she still looked hot. She still had an innocent aura surrounding her, and that innocence only seemed to increase as she snatched her eyes from mine, folded her fingers in front of her, and lowered her head.

  “I apologize,” she said quickly. “I was just… um…” She waved a hand and walked towards us. “You know what? Forget it. Just having a rough day and needed to escape.”

  She stepped past Ben, Deed, Gage, and Roy first, but when she stepped past me, she paused, forcing a smile. “Uh, hi, Montana,” she whispered.

  My eyes were glued to hers. I couldn’t look away. A tear hung in the corner of her eye, and like a sensitive fuck, I wanted to wipe it away. Wipe it away? The fuck was wrong with me? I turned my gaze on Gage who returned a confused and useless shrug.

  Right. Because ignoring her while she was in a state like this would’ve been straight up dirty.

  But I still didn’t want to try too hard, so I said, “Hey, Princess.”

  She laughed harmoniously, tilting her head. “Told you not to call me that,” she giggled. Her voice… Goddamn it! Her voice. Her accent. Everything about the way she spoke—so smoothly, yet so shyly. Fuck. “I’m glad to see you again,” she said. “You look great.”

  I nodded. “Yeah.” I refused to comment on her looks. Don’t get me wrong, she was on fire in her leather skirt and her too revealing of a blue blouse. And those strappy leather heels created a fantasy—her long legs bound around my neck wearing nothing but those stilettos. That’s what I wanted. If given the chance, I would’ve told the boys and Ben to get lost while she and I occupied the dressing room. I would’ve wrapped those long, silky limbs around my neck—with her heels still on, of course—and gone to town on her.

  But as usual, that was one of many fantasies involving her. Thinking about it was only making my cock twitch and pissing me the hell off, so I looked away, leading her to do the same. Giving the guys another quick apology, she turned on her heels and hurried down the hallway, leaving her sweet, honey-scent behind her.

  “Well… that was fucking awkward,” I said, running my sweaty palms down my shirt. I was sweating? Good Lord… help me?

  “Yeah. As hell,” Gage said, huffing a laugh.

  Ben cleared his throat, stepping past us and entering the hallway again. “Let’s just pretend that never happened while she’s around, okay? We all have our bad days, boys.” He capped my shoulder before turning forward. “The stage is this way. I hear it’s humongous.”

&nb
sp; The boys followed after him, and after pulling myself together, I turned and went after him as well, but it didn’t stop my eyes from helplessly wandering down the hallway. I wondered where she went. Did she go to another quiet room to sulk? What the hell was she even crying about? And most importantly, why the hell did I care so much?

  ***

  I’d performed like a true rock star.

  I was filled with adrenaline—the shit was running through every ounce of me. We’d just performed a song that took us weeks to master. It was way different from anything we’d ever put out there before. We were nervous, of course, because each of us had a part we could easily mess up.

  But once we started, the crowd loved it. Roy ripped at his guitar and killed his solo. My bass was thumping so much I couldn’t help but bob my head like a lunatic. Deed tore up his drums like a maniac, and Gage sang like it would be his last time singing. We did amazing. Although we all had a small ounce of fear about fucking up, I think that’s what helped us overcome it. We refused to mess up. We weren’t ever completely ready until we were put out for the whole world to see. That’s always how it went down.

  After performing an encore for the crowd, we all bustled backstage, slapping hands and hooting like coyotes. “We killed that shit, man!” I hollered at Gage. I was amped. Gage nodded his head in agreement, swiping the sweat from his forehead. I clapped Roy and Deed’s shoulders, stepping between them and putting all my weight on them. “Dude, we killed that shit, huh?”

  “Murdered it,” Roy said.

  “Fuck yeah,” Deed sighed.

  “I mean seriously. That song was one of the trickiest and none of us fucked up. You know what this shit calls for, right?”

  Deed looked at me, shaking his head with a laugh. “Party animal, Montana.”

  “You know it, man. We’ve gotta celebrate.”