Who I'm Becoming Read online

  They all hesitated at first, but as they each looked at each other, they nodded and Gage shrugged and muttered, “What the hell? He’s right. That was a tricky one to master. Drinks are definitely called for.”

  “And bitches… lots and lots of bitches.”

  The boys laughed, and Roy and Deed shrugged out of my arms, walking towards the dressing room. “Just drinks. Leave out the women,” Roy mumbled.

  As they drifted down the hallway, a few members backstage clapped for them. I hooted and hollered with the crowd. We deserved all the praise we could get for that one.

  I turned, eager as hell to get my night started, but as I did, that eagerness quickly faded as I caught sight of the hottest chick I’d ever seen backstage. She looked somewhat familiar. Her hair was long and light-brown, stopping just past her shoulders. She wore a shimmery silver dress, her heels a solid grey. Her eyes were covered in smoky make-up, and her full lips glossed just enough to make them look juicy and supple. With her hand on her hip, she tilted her head at me, raking my body with soft eyes. She’d been staring at me… watching me. She wanted it.

  “One of the groupies?” I asked, walking towards her.

  She laughed, causing my skin to tingle. “Groupie? Do I really look like one to you?” Her voice… she had an accent. She wasn’t from the U.S. She had to be from some part of England. On her, it was sexy as shit.

  “Shit, only a groupie would be wearing something this bright and stand-outish,” I said, looking her over in her dress.

  She shrugged. “I had work clothes on, but I changed since a few friends and I are going out. We had a successful night.”

  “That so? You and your friends should come celebrate with me.”

  She smirked. “What makes you think my friends would want to celebrate with a guy like you?”

  I hissed playfully. “Ohh… burn.”

  “Better yet,” she murmured, “…what makes you think I would want to celebrate with a guy like you?” She stepped closer. She wasn’t too close to the point that I could feel her body heat, but she was close enough that I could smell her. She smelled sweet and delicious. Honey. Mmm. Shit.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  She pursed her lips, batting her eyelashes at me. She was flirting with me. She was interested. But as all the extremely hot girls did with me, she was playing hard to get. “You’ll figure it out,” she said as she slowly started to turn on her heels.

  “Wait,” I called, grabbing her arm and turning her back in my direction before she could get away. I had to put my A-game on. It was clear she was really gonna make me work for this one. “Look, I saw you eyeing me,” I murmured, leaning in so only she could hear me. “You’re hotter than hell. How about you come out with me so we can get shit blazin’?”

  She laughed, lowering her head. “Montana… You’re kidding, right?”

  I shrugged. “Does it look like I’m kidding?”

  She burst out in a hysterical laugh. “That was cute… but cute is for little boys, and sadly, I just can’t make the time for little rascals like you.”

  “Trust me, I’m no boy. I’m all fucking man over here,” I said, asserting myself.

  She laughed again. “Funny.”

  “What’s your name?” I asked again.

  She took a step back, her head tilted. “I think you’ll figure it out sooner or later.”

  “Why can’t you just tell me now?”

  She pulled her hand out of mine gently. “Maybe I don’t want you to know it.”

  “So why are you flirting with me then?” I lowered my gaze, focusing on her perky tits.

  “Flirting?” she asked, and then laughed softly, tilting my chin back up with her forefinger so our eyes could meet again. “This isn’t flirting. We’re just getting to know each other. That’s all. Don’t get so ahead of yourself, love.”

  I had to admit it. Those words definitely burst my bubble of confidence. In fact, I had nothing more to say to her. Don’t get me wrong, there was so much I wanted to say—and do—to her, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. Just like that, she had me tongue-tied. She wasn’t the simple kind of catch. It was obvious she liked her men to work for her. Nothing was wrong with that, but when it came to me, I didn’t like working too much. She seemed like she required a great deal of effort, but she looked like she was worth it. Worth the work and so much more.

  “You’re really just gonna walk away, Princess?” I asked.

  She stopped her strut, glancing over her shoulder. Her eyelashes batted twice, and a soft smile appeared on her lips. Her grey eyes froze on mine, and by that look alone—that stance—my dick pulsed. My heart was fucking pounding. This was crazy.

  With a light voice, she finally said, “I am… so don’t try and stop me. Okay?” She looked me over once and then walked off again, swinging her hips. Her stride was sexy. Her legs were toned and definitely had me going. Everything about this chick was hot, and the most insane part was I was hot for her… too hot maybe. I had to find out who she was.

  She told me I’d see her again, and I was counting on it because the next time I was to cross that hot piece of ass, I was going all in for that shit. Hard work and all.

  ***

  We all checked into separate hotel rooms after touring the coliseum. I was glad. I’m sure the boys were glad about it too. I didn’t want to hear them cup-caking on the phone. They were a bunch of pussies when it came to their girls.

  After dropping my bags off, I decided to hit the hotel bar. Unfortunately, because it was the night before the show and all the fans were camping around, I had to be escorted by Rob’s big ass. He was one of our bodyguards, kind of talkative, but I preferred him to the other guys. Rob was the only one that seemed trustworthy and honest… and he also gave me my space.

  The bar was surprisingly empty. Only one other man sat at the bar, watching baseball on the flat screen with a beer in hand. “I got it from here, Rob,” I said, capping his shoulder.

  He nodded and took a seat at the table in the corner, pulling out his cellphone. Sighing, I neared the bar and asked for a quick beer to get started. I needed to relax before tomorrow. I had all my moves down pat; all the songs we’d rehearsed had been on repeat in my mind for the past week. But I always feared messing up. It was a fear all of us shared. Fucking up a song was the biggest disappointment. Missing a note or being a little off key made a huge difference.

  Sad to say, but we were a band that liked to be perfect. We were perfectionists when it came to our music. Yeah, we liked to have fun with our instruments and voices, but what mattered most was rocking the hell out of a show with no mistakes. One mistake and it’d ruin the whole night for us. Even if no one else heard it, knowing that we made the mistake always got under our skin. It was odd, but we couldn’t help it much. It’s how we were.

  Just as I was finishing my beer, an airy, familiar voice spoke up to my right and asked for a margarita. Knowing the voice could belong to only one person, I turned my head swiftly. She looked my way at the same time, and our eyes connected. Blinking rapidly, she pressed her lips to form some kind of awkward half-smile and then looked away, as if I was some stranger.

  I didn’t look away though. For one, I was confused. Why was she treating me like some random guy at the bar? She knew me. The least she could’ve done was make conversation–say “hello” again or some shit.

  “Well, it’s great to see you, too, Lauren,” I muttered. “Again.”

  “Excuse me?” she asked, leaning forward in my direction. The bartender handed her the margarita, and she took a small sip.

  I finally looked away, calling the bartender for another beer, but alcohol wasn’t doing it. I needed to get high. Out of it.

  Lauren took slow steps toward me. Her heels clicked as she neared me until, finally, she stopped and gripped the back of one of the barstools. “This seat taken?”

  I shrugged. “Have at it.” No way was I pretending to be interested. Nope.

&nbs
p; She took a seat as the bartender uncapped my beer and slid it across the counter. I gave him a curt nod then took a hard swallow. Lauren took a small sip of her drink and sighed as she placed the glass on the marble counter. Clearing her throat, she said, “Listen… about earlier…”

  I stopped her right there, lifting a hand. “You don’t have to explain it to me.”

  She blinked. “I just… don’t want to look stupid, you know?”

  “Since when have you cared about your image?”

  She scoffed. “Um, excuse me, but my image has been a priority of mine for as long as I can remember.”

  I met her stern eyes, and I couldn’t fight my smile.

  She cocked a brow. “What’s the smile for?” she asked.

  “I see you’re still high on emotions.” I circled my finger around the bottom of my bottle.

  She sighed. “Today was a… rough day—hell, this entire year by far.”

  “Hmm… how so?” I asked as carelessly as possible, which made her smack her teeth and hop out of her stool.

  “You do realize I don’t need you to care, right? You don’t have to pretend you do.” She folded her arms.

  I placed my beer down and leaned back in my seat, narrowing my eyes at her. “Who says I was pretending?”

  She rolled her eyes, obviously not falling for my bullshit. “Your tone… it’s careless. Just like you are. Period.”

  I laughed. “I’m not as careless as you think. Shit, if you need someone to talk to, just say it. I’ll listen. I’m a pretty good listener.” I gave her a warm smile, and she looked me over with one eyebrow elevated. Slowly unfolding her arms, she sighed and took a step forward again, climbing onto the stool.

  “Geez, I will never understand you,” she breathed. I laughed, causing a small smile to scratch at the corners of her lips. She ordered another margarita, and while it was being prepared, she turned in my direction, pressing her lips. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Would you ever… cheat on someone you love?” Her question caught me completely off guard. So off guard that I nearly spat out my drink. She watched as I pulled myself together then muttered, “Forget it,” as she turned forward.

  “No… wait,” I choked, pounding on my chest.

  She looked at me through the corner of her eye, eyebrows stitched.

  “Just caught me off guard there, Princess. Don’t get all pissy.”

  “I’m not being pissy,” she said. “I’m being serious right now. I want an honest answer.”

  My head tilted as I met her eyes. They were still sad. Something was wrong. “I’ll give you an answer,” I said, “…but only if you come up to my room for some harder drinks. It’ll be on my tab.”

  Her laugh threw me for a loop. “You’re kidding…”

  I narrowed my eyes. What made her think I was kidding?

  Her nose scrunched. “Right?”

  “No,” I said boldly. “I’m dead-ass serious. Come up to my room. Drink with me.”

  “Montana, you’re a nice guy and all, but—”

  I leaned forward and ran my hand up her thigh, interrupting her sentence. Her breath hitched, as if this move by me was completely unexpected, and her eyelids grew heavier as she looked at my mouth. Yeah… I had her. I was close. “Nothing will happen,” I told her. “It’s just for fun. A few drinks won’t hurt anyone.” I winked, and she shut her eyes briefly, her chest rising and then sinking. I waited for what seemed like hours as her answer remained elusive. The air was thick and kind of uncomfortable, but I wasn’t backing down. When she finally decided to respond, she brought her hand up and cupped my cheek. I was surprised by the reaction, but I remained still, my eyes wide and my entire body alert.

  “I don’t care what happens,” she breathed. Her lips were a breath away. Fuck, she was close. And she smelled so good. Fuck the hotel room. The bar counter would’ve worked just as well.

  “Alright,” I murmured. She’d been throwing mixed signals, but I wasn’t about to screw this chance up.

  She smiled and released my face.

  I pulled my hand from hers, finished off my beer, and hopped off my stool. She climbed off of hers, and I allowed her to walk ahead of me. As she got a few steps ahead, I couldn’t help but watch her hips swing. Her ass was perfect. So round and full. And her tits in that blouse… shit.

  When we reached the elevator, so much giddiness coursed through me that I couldn’t fucking believe it. Finally, this shit was happening. I thought I’d have to put in more work, but luckily for me, it’d only been a day. A day! Maybe she was tired of playing games.

  I was finally going to get a taste of her. I was going to cherish this night—make sure I got more than one time inside her.

  On that night, she was going to be mine. And nothing was going to ruin it.

  Not a damn thing.

  LAUREN

  Two

  I was being stupid.

  I knew how Montana Delray was. He wasn’t the typical guy. He was worse. He sought things like parties and fun and girls. He never got too serious when it came to our species—women, that is. Leading him on… it had to be the dumbest thing I ever could’ve done. But it’s what I needed. I needed to let loose of the burden that had been gnawing at my insides. I needed to know that I could still be wanted. What better way to find out than with a guy like him?

  I could see how much he lusted for me in his eyes. I could tell he would’ve done anything for one night with me. I should’ve made him put in more work, but I was okay with tonight. I’d known Montana for some time now. Not too much that I could call him a close friend but enough to know that all he needed was one night and he’d never bother me again.

  I was okay with that. One night was all I needed too. No more, no less. I had something to prove, and it was sad to admit, but I was going to prove it in the dirtiest way possible.

  The door shut behind Montana, and he sighed, stepping past me. He immediately went for the mini bar, which I was grateful for because I wasn’t ready just yet. I wasn’t drunk enough, just tipsy. I needed some kind of fuel. After pouring two glasses of whiskey, he walked towards me with a small smile, handing me my glass.

  “For you, Princess.” He winked, and I forced a smile.

  After taking a sip, I made my way to the edge of the king-sized bed and sat slowly. Montana, like the forward guy he was, sat right beside me, sipping on his drink. “So,” I started, hoping to avoid the awkwardness. “I’m here. Are you going to answer my question?”

  He looked me over briefly, confused. It took him a moment to figure out exactly what I was talking about. Had he really forgotten that fast? Just as I was about to give him a hint, he spoke up. “Oh… right.” Reaching up, he scratched at the stud above his eyebrow and released a dry laugh. “Um… well if I’m being completely honest with you, I’d never cheat.”

  I was relieved to hear that, and for some strange reason, my shoulders relaxed. “But if you realized you were tired of the girl but didn’t want to break her heart or leave her, what would you do?”

  His lip twitched. “I’d tell her I’m tired of her.”

  My eyebrows lifted, in need of more.

  He sighed. “Look, Lauren, I don’t beat around the bush. If I’m not feeling a girl or if I’m getting bored with her and there’s nothing I can do to spice it up, I’ll tell her. I’m not gonna waste her time and mess with her feelings by cheating. That’s what low-lives do, and trust me,” he said, stabbing a finger at his chest, “…that ain’t me.”

  I lowered my head, fighting my grin. “I’m glad to hear that, Montana.”

  Montana shifted, and I glanced up. He was staring right into my eyes, his head slightly tilted. “Can I ask you something?” he asked.

  “Sure…”

  “What has you so… down?”

  Pressing my lips, I swallowed hard before lifting my glass and taking a large gulp. He watched me as I swallowed but didn’t dare look away from me. “It’s not real
ly important.”

  “It’s gotta be if it has you like this,” he murmured, inching forward. “Some guy fucked you over? Is that why you’re asking me about heartbreak and shit?”

  I stilled, debating on whether to confide in him or not. Although he was wild and sometimes arrogant, Montana had a friendly demeanor. He made people feel welcome—comfortable. I sort of liked that about him, but I knew giving away too much of my own problems and secrets was wrong in a moment like this. This was the wrong time to be down in the dumps. I needed to feel something. I needed to do something to show him that I didn’t want to talk about it tonight—or ever.

  So I quickly downed the rest of my whiskey, gasped, and then placed my glass on the nightstand. Without a moment to waste, I stood right in front of him, and he looked up at me, his eyes shimmering with puzzlement.

  “Look, you don’t have to talk about it, alright? I can’t afford a slap in the face a day before a show,” he muttered, jerking his gaze away.

  I lifted his chin again, forcing his eyes on mine. He blinked twice, his lips parting. He started to speak, but I shushed him quietly, placing my knee outside his thigh. I hovered above him, and his eyes traveled from mine to my exposed bosom, then down to my bare legs. I was sure my leather skirt looked great on me. It was a good choice for tonight, even though I didn’t know this would happen. But this new style of mine… it was meant for moments like this, no matter the man.

  Dipping my head, I swirled my tongue around the lobe of his pierced ear, and his chest tensed beneath my palm. “I just want you to make me forget tonight,” I whispered into his ear. “Can you do that?”

  Montana jerked back, and I did as well, frowning. I stepped away as he placed his drink on the opposite nightstand. A small ounce of fear swam through me at the thought that maybe he didn’t want this with me tonight. Maybe I’d misread him. Maybe he really did want me to have a good time with him—a few drinks and nothing more.

  But just as quickly as that fear bubbled inside me, it quickly evaporated as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing eight packs of hard, rippled abs and a dragon tatted along his right rib cage. Yeah, he worked out. A lot. And the tattoo… my word, it was hot.