- Home
- S. Q. Williams
Who I'm Becoming Page 4
Who I'm Becoming Read online
Page 4
The boys were all talking about today’s show. I’d joined in at first, and whenever they asked me a question, I would answer, but I wasn’t into it. Honestly, I hated how I was feeling. It was never like me to be the party-pooper. I was usually the one to get everyone drunk and feeling good.
But not tonight.
No. Tonight, all I wanted to do was drink myself into oblivion, pick up a hot, random bitch or two, and then head back to my hotel room. I couldn’t understand why Lauren’s words were still stuck in my head.
Me, a mistake? There was just no way. She made it seem like she didn’t enjoy me at all. I was fun. I knew how to make people feel good, but to her, I was just some guy she regretted.
I couldn’t think about her or last night anymore. I had to get out there and find someone to distract me. After telling the boys I was heading into the “jungle”, I stepped past the security guards and started towards the bar. A few girls screamed my way, flashing smiles and tits at me. I laughed, and luckily, they were all too wasted to even care about getting any closer.
As I neared the bar, I ordered a shot of tequila, downed it, and then ordered another. After my fourth one, my head started to spin, and I smiled. “Fuck yeah,” I breathed. Turning towards the crowd, I watched as girls danced on girls or grinded on a few men. Some girls were even in corners, making out and groping each other. Paris was insane. These people knew how to party.
Turning to my left, I spotted a blonde with long, glossy legs looking right at me. I gave her a lazy smile as our eyes locked. Yep… she was going to be my distraction for tonight. I knew it before I even spoke to her. She was hot, sporting a tight black dress that hugged her curves and made her cleavage nearly pop out of the fitted bust. I knew she was one of those girls that only sought a good time. She was one of the girls I wasn’t going to have a problem kicking out once we were done getting down and dirty. The way she licked her lips while staring at me, and even as she sipped her drink… I just knew it. She wasn’t flirting. She wanted the dick. And I was going to give it to her.
I started her way, flagging the bartender down as I got closer. She looked at me beneath her eyelashes, sucking in her glossed bottom lip. When I met at her side, she looked away as if I wasn’t even there.
I laughed. It was a little too late to be playing hard to get after the sultry way she drew in her bottom lip while staring at me only seconds ago, but I didn’t mind the cat and mouse game. “I’m Montana,” I said, placing my elbows on the counter.
She glanced at me, batting her long eyelashes. “Wendy.”
“Wendy… I like that.” I grinned, and she turned my way to face me. She stepped in closer, running a finger up my arm.
“I love the name Montana,” she murmured. “Montana Delray, right?”
“Right on the money.”
She giggled. Yeah. This was way too easy. At the thought of how easy she was going to be, some part inside me deflated. Cat and mouse was better… a chick that was hard to get was a far greater reward. The sex always paid off in the end.
Noticing my slight disappointment, Wendy placed a hand on my arm and tilted her head. “You okay?” she asked.
I glanced up, nodding. “Yeah. I’m good.” I had to brush this shit off. What the hell was going on with me? Stop fucking caring! “Let’s go dance,” I said into her ear, wrapping an arm around her waist. She flashed a small smile at me, hooking her arm around my waist as well.
We pushed through to the middle of the dance floor where the people were really going at it, dancing wild and sweating buckets. I didn’t mind it so much. Shit like this was fun. Wendy twirled around and immediately buried her ass into my groin. I was completely caught off guard, but I clutched her waist, bringing her even closer. Her hips began to shake and grind, going in quick then slow motions. She was dancing perfectly to the music. Whenever the tempo changed, she’d switch up her dance, but she made sure to keep my cock hard in my pants. Fuck, she was good, and the longer we danced, the more I felt the alcohol coursing through my veins. I was starting to feel like me again.
But it didn’t last for long. Just as Wendy turned around and wrapped a leg around my waist and her arms locked around my neck, I saw a girl jump on one of the stages where a silver pole was and twirl around as she held onto it. All the guys watched her as she tossed her crimson hair over her shoulder and reached up, running her palms down the hard chrome.
My dance momentarily stopped as I watched too, but it didn’t stop Wendy from swaying her hips. The girl on the stripper pole wore nothing but a barely-there ivory dress. Her heels were high, showing more of her toned legs than anything else. She wanted attention; that was for sure. For some strange reason, I couldn’t look away. It was dark, and I could hardly see her with all the flashing lights, but she seemed a little too familiar from behind.
Finally, she jumped, and her legs locked around the pole. She climbed up a few inches and did a quick spin with nothing but her thighs holding her up. Damn, she was good. It was as if she’d danced on a pole her whole life. I figured she was a stripper. Strippers always wanted attention, and a drunk stripper was worse. They craved attention—longed for it.
The girl’s back was still facing the crowd, but in one quick move, she flipped upside down with her legs crossed around the pole, and her hair tumbled down, her head gradually falling too. She smiled as she stared at the crowd from an upside-down angle, but when I saw her face, a heavy frown took over mine. Immediately, I pushed Wendy back and she stepped away, looking me over. “What the fuck?” she snapped.
“I gotta go take care of some shit.”
“Ugh. Whatever.” She rolled her eyes and flicked her wrist.
I brushed her off and pushed through the crowd, hurrying towards the pole. Something strange seemed to pop within me. I couldn’t explain it, but it was there and it was real. It had me totally fucked up, but I couldn’t seem to stop. When I reached the stage, I barked Lauren’s name, which caused her to look around until she spotted me. Some men whistled and shouted for her to keep going but I shoved them out of the way, hopping on the stage. Immediately, I was booed and hissed at as I stood in front of her, blocking everyone’s view.
She finally sat up, but she clung to the pole, looking at me with those big, sparkling grey eyes. “What do you want, Montana? Move. I’m having fun,” she said, trying to shoo me away with one hand, the other still locked around the pole.
“What the hell are you doing up here?” I demanded.
She tossed her head back and laughed. When she met my eyes again, I realized she was wasted. Her eyes were glazed over. I was surprised she could hang onto that pole. “Go away,” she mumbled. But she didn’t mean it. I could tell she didn’t mean it. Her body slid down the pole as she hiccupped and it almost caused her to fall.
“Fuck,” I sighed. “Here… let me help you.” I grabbed her arm and wrapped it around my shoulders. She unwrapped her legs from the pole and I brought them into my arms.
With her arm around my shoulders, she smiled up at me, tilting her head. “I never told you how hot you are, have I?” she said, her voice thick and lazy.
I smirked. “Not at all. But thanks for letting me know while you’re completely fucked up.”
“I mean… you’re just really hot,” she said, her voice filled with too much enthusiasm. “I don’t know how I resisted you for so long.”
I couldn’t fight my smile. I turned towards the back and started down the stairs. I walked along the edge of the crowd with her in my arms and when I reached the VIP room I was glad the boys were gone. I didn’t need them to see me taking care of a chick. This shit wasn’t in my nature, but I couldn’t help myself with her. I wanted her to be grateful towards me. I wanted to win her over again, get on her good side.
After placing her on the sofa, she flopped back and moaned. I took the spot next to her head and her eyes opened slowly to meet mine. After staring at me for a few seconds, she sat up and turned her body in my direction. As she did, her tits b
ounced and I couldn’t stop myself from gawking. She knew it because she laughed and then licked her lips. “I want to tell you something,” she said, the mixture of her accent and cleavage causing my dick to pulse.
“What’s that?” I asked as coolly as possible.
“Last night,” she murmured, leaning in close to me, “…was the best I ever had.”
I was surprised to hear that, but thoroughly pleased. “Really? You’re calling me your best?”
She nodded without constraint. “Yes. My best… and… I would like more…”
Oh shit… here we go…
“But… I’m not sure if it can’t happen again.”
Damn. Just like that my confidence evaporated again. It was always with her. Always. “Why not?”
“It just can’t, Montana.” Suddenly, her face was saddened, and if I wasn’t mistaken, tears formed at the rims of her eyes.
I slid in closer, a little too concerned for my own good. “Lauren, what the hell is going on with you? I don’t remember you being like this…”
“That’s because, last year, I was fine,” she whispered. “Everything was fine.”
“Well what the hell changed this summer? What happened?”
“I’m just…” She paused, looking up at me. “I’m… just a little heartbroken. That’s all. No big deal.”
Heartbroken?
Damn. I knew it. And what was worse was knowing she probably only slept with me to get over it. I was a distraction for her. Her dancing on that pole and being drunk out of her mind tonight was one of her ways of coping. Shit. I didn’t know what to say.
“You’re upset,” she said, tilting her head.
“No.” I was lying. I was kind of annoyed knowing I didn’t score on my own… I was just at the right place at the right time.
“Yes you are. Montana, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Can’t we just be friends? I want us to be able to hang out and have fun. You’re a good guy. I know it.”
“Friends? I don’t really do friends with girls I’ve slept with. That shit’s impossible for a guy like me.”
Her lips twisted as she gave that some thought. Then, her face instantly brightened up, her eyes sparkling. “Well… how about we just go with the flow? I got bumped up this morning since Morgan was fired, so I’ll be coming to the U.S. next week to work out a few things for the backstage crew. We can hang out… have fun… you can help me clear my mind. Make me forget, like you did last time.”
I laughed. “So, basically, you want to use me to get over someone else?”
“No.” She shook her head quickly. “No. I’m serious. I’ve always wanted to do something like this… something spontaneous… no strings. I’m sure that’s what you want. No strings, right? No attachments? Just fun… excitement.”
I shrugged with one shoulder. “It’s always been that way for me. Don’t see it changing anytime soon.”
“See,” she said, leaning forward and grabbing my hand. “This will work. We’ll hang out whenever we’re around each other and whatever happens… happens.”
I looked her over. She seemed too excited for this, but I figured with me wanting more pussy from her and her wanting to just “have fun”, this could work. Nothing was stopping us. Nothing was stopping me. When I wanted something, I refused to let that shit go until I had it. So I said, “Let’s make it happen then!”
She beamed at me for a moment, but then her face stiffened. “Just promise me it’ll only be for fun. Nothing serious. I can’t handle that right now.”
I needed to lighten the mood—get rid of some of the intensity crackling in the air—so I stood up quickly, pointing at myself with a teasing smile. “Do you not realize who I am?”
She giggled, lowering her head bashfully, causing her scarlet curls to swim around her face.
“I’m Montana Delray. I don’t do serious. Fun is my middle name.” I grabbed her hand and tugged on it, and she stood from the sofa. “We can start tonight. Just go with the flow… nothing serious. I guarantee it.”
She looked at me beneath her eyelashes, nodding. “Okay. Nothing serious.” A small smile graced her lips. “Let’s go dance now. I hope you don’t have two left feet!”
I was down with that, and even more so, I was down with dancing with her. Damn, was I glad she wasn’t upset with me anymore. To be honest, I was looking forward to her coming to the U.S.; I needed another fix. I knew better than to try and get my fix tonight. She looked like she was really in need of an escape.
As we stepped onto the dance floor, her face was brighter than it was before. Her eyes were gentle and somewhat carefree. I couldn’t ruin that, but I promised myself that once she was in the states, I was going to get another taste—plenty of tastes actually. I wanted her… bad. So bad I was willing to wait so when it did happen, it’d be the best shit since the first time.
This was something new for me—hanging out with the same girl repeatedly—but it wasn’t a bad thing. I was ready to go with the flow. I’d had plenty of fuck-buddies, but none of them made me look forward to what was to come. None of them made me feel like I actually had to try in order to keep shit alive. I was going to have to come up with new moves… new shit to say. New shit to do. So much new shit.
With Lauren, I knew things were going to be wild, exhilarating, and downright sexy, but I also knew the turnout was going to either leave us hanging at the end or somewhat satisfied.
Messing around with her wasn’t going to last forever. And deep down, I kind of feared the thought of that because I didn’t know when I was going to be able to get enough of her.
MONTANA
Four
The last three shows went by in a blur. Surprisingly, Lauren and I didn’t hang out in Paris after making our compromise. She was a busy woman, and I a busy man, but it did bother me a little. Every time I tried to set something up, she’d say she was busy. Every single time. I knew working for the band was a lot of work, but there was no way in hell she was that busy.
But, as she preferred, I let it go. This wasn’t anything serious. If she didn’t want to hang out we didn’t have to. I wasn’t about to stress about it.
Getting back to Virginia was a relief. I missed my man cave of a home. And with all the traveling and rocking out, I needed to catch up on at least two nights of sleep. I was drained, and just as I’d dropped my bags in the corner and started towards my bedroom, my phone blared in my pocket.
Fishing it out, I looked down at the number belonging to Ben and sighed. Whenever Ben called right after shows, it was always about business. I could’ve ignored him now, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to ignore him forever. He would’ve kept calling if he had to.
I answered with a sigh. “Ben.”
“Hey, Montana.”
“What’s going on?”
“I know you’re just as exhausted as all the other boys and want to catch up on your Z’s, but there’s something really big that I need you all for tomorrow.”
“What is it?”
“Lina Miles from Lina Lives wants you guys to make an appearance on her show. She has a huge fan base, and she’s willing to pay however much it will be just to give her crowd the latest FireNine album. It’s a huge opportunity, one you and I both know we can’t miss no matter what kinds of negative emotion we feel towards her.” I knew who Lina was. The band and I had a few drinks with her once at a rapper’s release party. She was a bitch. Really sexy but stuck up. TV personalities never did it for me. “She’s really into you,” Ben continued, catching me by surprise.
“Me? Why?”
“Well… she mentioned how all of the boys are dating or married except you. She’s curious about it and wants to know why you’ve remained single for so long. She’ll ask basic questions, and all you’ll have to do is answer them… you know, the usual.”
I frowned, flopping on the bed. “Why the hell does she wanna know about me? It shouldn’t take her by surprise that I’m still single. Nothing’s wrong with being single
.”
“Actually, there are a lot of curious fans out there. Montana, you haven’t been in a relationship since we met. It’s been nine years.”
I shrugged as if he could see me. “So what?”
“So… nine years with no kind of love interest in at least one woman? That’s kind of insane… and strange. That’s nearly a decade! Doesn’t the thought of that bother you?”
“No, and I have my interests,” I said and immediately thought of Lauren.
“Okay, but your fans don’t know that. Look, I’m scheduling a flight on the jet for you and the boys tomorrow morning at six. On your way to Philly, I want you to think about how you’ll give them a peek of how you feel about relationships. Don’t be a dick about it either. Your fans love you, especially the women, and if they can sense a romantic side to you, show it. Give them something. All girls dream about is romance.”
I groaned, shutting my eyes. “You’re the boss.”
“I sure am. And I know what I’m doing. Don’t disappoint me, Montana. And please don’t disappoint your fans. No woman wants to dream about a man that’s afraid of commitment. It’s just… not okay.”
My eyes popped open just as he hung up. Bringing the phone down, I frowned at the screen. I couldn’t believe what he’d just said to me. Me, afraid of commitment? What made him think that? Just because I didn’t believe in dating? I wasn’t the dating type. Never had been, never was going to be.
Ben’s words replayed over and over in my mind, and I couldn’t sleep for shit. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. He was right, and I had never given it that much thought. I didn’t like relationships. I never wanted to be bothered with them. I loved messing around with women too much. I loved being carefree, no attachments. None of the extra bullshit. Nothing was wrong with that… right?
But nine years? Shit. I truly didn’t realize it’d been so long.